I finally felt the baby move a few nights ago while lying in bed. Some woman seem to feel baby way before I do, though the books say it is impossible to feel it before 16 weeks. I have heard woman say they felt their baby move at 9 weeks! I have a book that goes week by week telling how the baby is growing and all the changes, I had read it the night I felt the baby move and was in awe of how big our baby is getting! I think it is finally sinking in that there really is a baby growing inside of me. I was struck for the 5Th time with the awesomeness (if that is a word) of how a baby grows and develops. How much they change in such a short time. Right now our baby is as big as my hand and it is fully developed on the outside, I know there are some organs and things that are still developing, but it looks like a baby complete with fingernails and toenails. I look at my other children and how much they have grown, especially Cassia, they learn so much in the first 2 years. Cassia has changed tremendously since I got pregnant and I am sure she will know even more by the time the baby comes. It is just amazing how God designed our children from nothing to what they are now and will become in the future. I am so excited to see how my girls grow and mature and to see their relationship with God do the same. I know it is our responsibility to help shape our children's character, but so often my own character is changed by them. Being married helped Bryan and I understand the relationship between Christ and the Church that is talked about in the Bible and having children helps us understand Christ as our Father and just what 'child like' faith is. I enjoy thinking back on what I was like 8 years ago and what I am now and to think of what I will be like in the future with God still working in me! Each pregnancy has been difficult in it's own way, but also each pregnancy has taught me so much. Moriah's pregnancy was the most life changing for me, it was during that time that I learned more about true Faith in God. Hence the reason Moriah's middle name is Faith. I feel like God has something more for me to learn this time around, I think He is still working on me, in what and for what I am not sure.
People seem to think that I come by mothering naturally that I am a patient, sweet mother, or maybe that it is just easy for me and that is why we have children close together and a bunch of them. This is so far from the truth, I am not patient or sweet, yes, I try to be. I do not come by it naturally, and I never dreamed of having children this close together. I am rather nervous about adding a 5Th child to my already busy and life. But my life is not about me, it is about glorifying God and enjoying Him Forever! Being a mother continues to teach me about living a selfless life, I am not selfless, but I am working on it. God keeps showing me areas that I need to work on. Do I think that I am better then those who have less children, NO! It is only by God's Grace that I do what I do and that our children Love Him.
The purpose of writing all this is not to benefit anyone reading this, it is to give me encouragement when I look back on it. This blog is like a journal for me to help me remember what I was thinking and how God is working in my life. Bryan and I were talking about people in our life, who's lives have not been filled with happiness, who have chosen a different path then us, it did not give us a sense of thinking how much better we are, but it really humbled us and made us see that it really has nothing to do with us but instead what God has done in our lives! So my reminder to myself is to Give God the Glory and again I see this and feel this when I think of the life inside me and the lives entrusted to me!
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